Basically

Basically I am everyone's toy. I will have to do, what they have decided for me. Like I don't have my own decisions or judgements. Like I have no right to go after my will. This days all has been putting much affect on me.
I am sick and tired of it.
If they just let me decide my own fate, my life could have been a bit different.

Toward me

Sometimes things are just beyond control. It does not matter how much we try to control it, make it less killing. But it just gets on its way. Like water.
We can not control the natural flow of the water.
Thus we can not control the epidemics hovering over our lives. It is like no... almost like it is in our hands, like just a fragment needed to be used and we can live like that part never came. Like we can deny its existence.
But the truth is that life is too cruel. And a greater fact is that life itself is unfair.
And why would I be any different?
My life has its own way of repulsion.
Toward me.